Best Way to Screw Up Your Songwriting Saturday Morning

Sit up.  Wince yourself out of bed.  Ginger steps downstairs.  Prepare to make coffee without turning on the lights because it would be way too bright for your sleep deprived eyes.  Your feet hurt bad.  You HAD to wear the improbably high, wonderfully sexy and, yet, uncomfortable wooden shoes to last night’s three hour gig (standing).   While dumping old filter, notice that the garbage is overflowing and kind of stinky, probably from the shrimp bits from Tuesday night’s dinner.  Let the coffee brew while gently reclining on the couch with your fake, fuzzy, brown, $19 Target animal pelt throw.  Settle the pillows perfectly so that your feet and head are at a slight incline allowing your butt to sag comfortably (which it does all by itself, so why deny it?).  Accidently fall back asleep for 42 minutes.  Shock yourself awake with a beefy honk of a snore.  Pour coffee.  Wonder how ‘they’ remove the fat from the fat free half and half while creaming in requisite sugar. Wonder if it might be more health conscious to drink fat filled half and half.  Get another whiff of the trash.  Put coffee mug down in a hidden corner behind a very leafy plant.  Gather garbage and trudge to the garage.  Turn on garage light.  Be, once again, shocked by the state of your garage (triple handle obstacle course of mop/broom/cobweb extender-thingy-that-leaves-black-smudges-on-your-ceiling strewn across the 1 inch wide pathway between your plywood and veneer garage closet – that only you know holds jingling New Years masks; Tony Robbins cassette tapes – in the original packaging; old plant pots with cemented lime rings and dead plant matter; baseball glove; two baseballs still plastic, wrapped together from that time that your nephews came to visit; approximately 6 pairs of mittens; a cowboy hat; 3 purses; 106 plastic Solo cups of different sizes, shapes and colors; and 14 coats of varying sizes that you have not worn for at least 3 years) and your cedar-dust covered, 12 year old car that no longer passes inspections and that will probably get you a $50 fix-it ticket because you don’t have the funding to let a mechanic take a look under the hood.  Do your best to hold the garbage waaaaaaaay out in front of your new Christmas slippers in order to avoid drippage.  Throw garbage away in big green dumpster which now will make your garage smell like Tuesday’s rotten shrimp.   While rounding said cedar dusted car, sigh heavily and decide to tackle the garage clean-up very soon … but, not without your coffee.  Go back inside.  Shut garage door tightly.  Look for coffee cup.  While looking for coffee cup remember that the garbage needs a liner.  Open pantry.  Wonder why you opened pantry?  Notice the tortillas.  Decide to make yourself a breakfast burrito.  Grab tortillas.  Open fridge.  Find coffee cup.  What?  When did you put your coffee in the fridge?  Cup is still slightly warm. Remove cup and take a LONG pull.  While closing fridge door, realize that the cream is not in there.  Look for cream.  Find it hidden amongst the fronds of the leafy green plant.  Put cream back in fridge.  Wonder if you are losing your mind.  Agree with your self-diagnosis of “extreme lack of sleep”.  Wander back to the couch to take a break from the wild morning.  Notice that there is something sticking out from under the big pouf in the center of your living room.  Find the errant shoe you have been searching for – the one that you had concluded was accidently hijacked in your last Goodwill closet cleaning operation – and put it on the step so that you will remember to bring it upstairs the next time you have the energy to go upstairs. While walking back to sit back on the couch,  notice that the pink artwork is crooked.  Straighten it.  All the other paintings now look ‘off’.  Spend at least 16 minutes straightening and stepping back – straightening and stepping back.  Plants look droopy.  Water them now.  Lots of plants.  Anticipate at least seven trips back and forth to the sink to fill the first large water bearing container you find – which happens to be a 32 oz Styrofoam Sonic cup.  Attempt to throw cup cover and straw away.  Remember that you never put the liner in the garbage.  Head back to pantry.  Place Sonic Cup on second shelf while digging for the new liner.  Shake out liner.  Tuck liner around the garbage rim.  Forget about the Sonic cup watering container.  Remember coffee cup.  Another long pull.  Almost cold.  Add a splash of mostly warm coffee to the almost cold cup.  Do the cream/sugar/stir dance again except that THIS time you put the creamer back into the fridge. Well done!  Re-read the inspirational quote magnet on front of fridge.  Wonder if the inspirational person that gave you the inspirational quote is as driftless and lost on a sea of fatigue and minutiae as you are.  Conclude that it might be a good idea to take a nap ….